22 thoughts on “SNARK WEEK: WCW – Joan Collins

  1. So many thoughts! Also, geez, 50s with the conical boobs.

    Land of the Pharoahs—the first and third costumes are obviously crap (but maybe Princess Leia with Jabba the Hutt inspiration?) but the 2nd actually looks like it may have been inspired by real clothing, although, you know, overly glitzed up. Here’s a dress from ancient Egypt at the MFA in Boston: https://www.mfa.org/collections/object/beadnet-dress-146531
    Also, I’m pretty sure Margot Robbie’s dress to the SAG awards a few days ago was inspired by this dress.

    I’m genuinely impressed by how not wrong the Virgin Queen movie is. Also, Bette Davis as QEI? Need to see.

    I used to watch old movie channels a lot as a kid, so I’ve actually seen The Bravados… I’m sure going back as an adult I’d identify some problematic elements, but I thought it was a great morality play of sorts at the time.. I probably watched it because I love Gregory Peck. He is trying to avenge bandits who escaped prison after robbing his homestead and killing his wife.. but there’s a big twist when he’s finally in reach of his goal (one that might outweigh some of the cross-border aspect). Can’t say I paid much attention to the costumes at the time, but she’s the only female speaking character I remember besides GP’s daughter (who gets like a line).

    I totally agree about Clandestine Marriage and the Marple one—amazing. :-) Ah, Joan, wish more designers had done as well by you!

  2. The minute I saw the words Evelyn Nesbit, her songs from Ragtime started playing in my head.
    I think the one that intrigues me the most of these is Sins— the lamé, all the lamé.

  3. The “18th century” dress from “SINS” is supposed to be a costume. Especially since Collins’ character wore it during the production’s early-to-late 20th century setting.

    And you forgot to add the episode from “Star Trek”, which was set in 1930-31.

  4. I actually like the Head necklace hairdo and the burgundy dress. One is very pretty… And the other sure packs a punch (but not a mean hook like that lamé thing).

    On th other hand, Mme de Pompadour, no. First, I believe the Marquise was dead long before those hairdos came in style. Second she was a person of impeccable taste: Would have been seen dead in that… confection… thing… dress.

  5. I saw Fallen Angels on stage in Stratford, Ontario, several years ago and it was one of the funniest shows I have ever seen! I did not know it had ever been filmed. I might have to try to find this somewhere.

  6. I have two main questions:
    1) What is up with her boobs in that first photo? Something doth hoist them up, but bringeth not them together.
    2) For the love of god who even brought that much tanning lotion to the set of Land of the Pharaohs? Did they dip her in a vat of it entirely or what? How? Why?

    After those two I sort of became a bit numb and couldn’t criticise anything anymore. That is, not until I saw the wtf shoulderpaddery in that Monte Carlo cape (???) picture and I’m pretty sure that thing is straight out of either Star Trek or RuPaul’s closet.

    Loved the Mrs Marple episode she was in, though.

    1. Tinny said “What is up with her boobs in that first photo? Something doth hoist them up, but bringeth not them together.”

      She’s undoubtedly wearing a Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra — It Lifts! It Separates! You’re Suddenly Shaplier!

  7. Don’t forget her somewhat frumpy 1930s wear—with total 1960s hair and makeup—in the original Star Trek episode “The City on the Edge of Forever.”

  8. Dynasty really was the worst thing that ever happened to Joan Collins’ credibility. Probably the best thing for her pocketbook, though.

  9. No “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat?” It’s set in Biblical times, with the traditional rhinestone pseudo-pasties!

  10. This was hilarious! Also, I have a soft spot in heart and probably my head for “The Wild Women of Chastity Gulch.” . That title has stuck in my head for decades, even though my mother wouldn’t let me watch it.

  11. That interior shot of “Princess Nellifer” (no one took the time to find an actual Egyptian name) shows that someone had an idea of how an Old Kingdom dress should look–but then they spoiled it with the shiny fabric, the cinched-in waist, and the slit hem. The statue of Rahotep and Nofret in the Cairo Museum is a good example of Old Kingdom royalty in their fine clothes. White or off-white linen, with semiprecious stones in jewelry for color–none of that ghastly shiny stuff.

    The other costumes Ms. Collins is wearing were clearly inspired by orientalist belly-dancer fantasies. But since the movie opens with the King returning from a tiger(!) hunt, it’s clear that the viewer can’t expect any accuracy. I watched the movie on Saturday afternoon TV, and although at the age of ten I found it pretty impressive, I do believe I recognized the tiger problem (just as I noticed novelist Eloise Jarvis McGraw’s mistake in putting goldfish in 18th Dynasty garden pools).

  12. I’m absolutely certain no one will ever get Ancient Egypt right- in any era > (looking at you, ‘Rome’- Ptolemaic/ Hellenistic Egypt did not look like that- I don’t care or believe your BS that this is from the ‘Roman PoV’) – I think I actually cried watching ‘Land of the Pharaohs’- the aspirant Egyptologist in child-me wept for the travesty of lame` & way too much tanning lotion/ brown-face… sad thing is, modern movies haven’t gotten any better: WE DO HAVE ARCHAEOLOGICAL EVIDENCE FOR HOW PEOPLE LOOKED & DRESSED- WE DON’T NEED YOUR BS FANTASY DESIGNS – TRY GOING TO A FRICKIN’ MUSEUM, OR CRACKING A DAMN BOOK. I’m sorry.

    ‘Agora’ might be an exception.

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