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Before 2018’s Mary Queen of Scots brought me to incoherent screaming, this deeply shitty miniseries made me wail and gnash my teeth. Inexplicably made by the BBC — maybe by someone who hates Scotland? and Catholics? and women in general? — as if to prove that, yes, the ol’ Beeb can churn out some historical dreck too, it’s not just America and telenovelas that scrape the bottom of the frock flick barrel, Gunpowder, Treason, & Plot (2004) supposedly tells of Mary’s reign in Scotland, her downfall, and then her son James’ reign in England and the Gunpowder Plot. It’s time for me to suffer through a rewatch for you, dear readers, so gird your loins. Oh and because this is my blog and I deeply hate this particular show, the title gets a serial comma, fuckers!
This was originally shown as a two-part miniseries, with part one about Mary and part two about James. But on streaming now, you can also find it as one 3.5-hour long movie. I’m breaking my review into two parts because it’s a fucking slog!
To set the tone, check out these excuses made by the filmmakers in an interview:
Producer Gub Neal says, “What history gives us is context. It’s a wonderful setting in which to tell a tale, but to be hamstrung by factual accuracy would be very, very demeaning.” [emphasis mine because WTF DUDE!]
While director Gillies MacKinnon exclaims, “We’re not making a documentary, nor do I think we should be.”
We. Are. Aware. No frock flick will be 100% historically accurate, and we’re not asking that. But can y’all not make it such a shitshow sometimes?
It’s clear Gunpowder, Treason, & Plot had a low budget because Mary Queen of Scots gets about five costumes in the whole thing, Queen Elizabeth gets three, Darnley gets two or three, Riccio gets two, and everyone else has just one. None of them are any good. Very few hats were harmed in the making of this production — only Riccio consistently wears one, because he’s a hated Italian and probably gay (this show doesn’t play up that angle explicitly, but it does everything to make him swishy and unlikable). Everybody in this production needs hair conditioner, except for Bothwell and Darnley who have that stupid close-cropped dudebro haircut.
All the characters in this are terrible, and their actions make no sense. Bothwell just lusts after Mary and for fighting. Darnley is a one-note drunken idiot. Mary’s half-brother James is super duper jealous of Mary and super duper in Queen Elizabeth’s pocket. Elizabeth is overly concerned with her lineage and nothing else. Mary tries to girlboss her way around Scotland, but she really just wants a man and a baby. What’s the opposite of anachronistic feminism? Because this miniseries makes women EXTRA dumb for the period, not just for today.
The story supposedly starts in 1561 with Mary in France being told her mother died, so Mary’s queen of Scotland now (never mind that she’s been queen since she was a baby, plus she was married and briefly queen of France). She commiserates with her ladies in waiting, everyone’s hair is a ratty mess, and anyone who has a ruff lets it float.

I should give this production credit for having Mary in France, speaking French, which obviously plays to Clémence Poésy‘s strengths as this main character. But the miniseries has such a heaping helping of all the other faults, so nope, any credit I’d give them is wiped out. Starting with this recycled prom dress that Mary will wear off and on throughout the show.
Is there anything about this show’s portrayal of Mary that bears resemblance to the actual MQoS? Well, they’re both female…

Quick jump to Queen Elizabeth’s court, where she’s all pissy that MQoS is returning. Not only does QEI’s ruff float, she has wild poodle-permed blonde hair for some inexplicable reason. And she demands that Mary’s half-brother do nefarious shit for her (the only close to historically accurate bit so far!).
Let’s compare, for funsies! It’s a red dress, both are wearing a ruff and some gold jewelry, that’s about it.

Back to Mary, who’s waiting in a barn with rag people until someone shows up to tell her where her kingdom is, I guess.

Guess she and all her ladies are doing the dumb hair.
Mary has an actual poodle because, y’know, she’s French!
Riccio shows off a rare hat in this half of the miniseries. It’s fine, though it would be a little more appropriate for the second half of the miniseries. He’s also wearing a far fancier cape than his queen or any of her ladies in waiting. And he’s weirdly given a port-wine stain birthmark on his face because, what, he’s a creepy foreigner? Ugh.
James and Bothwell lead Mary supposedly to Edinburgh (dinkiest version ever), but first, there’s some weird Children of the Corn running-through-fields action where Mary’s haunted by her mother in yet another a floating ruff (I’ve lost count already).

I think that must be where this promo shot comes from. Why must frock flicks hate on Mary of Guise so much?
About this point in my notes I wrote “this is such crap,” for those playing along at home.
Guess I should show Bothwell, since he’ll be Mary’s love interest (GAG WRETCH PUKE & ALSO SO WRONG HISTORICALLY). The douchey haircut doesn’t help things.
There’s some bitching between James and Riccio (who’s carrying the poodle; let’s show he’s gay without saying he’s gay eyeroll), and Bothwell eyes up Mary in her bedroom. Then Mary decides to hold a Catholic mass to piss everyone off some more. Her ladies wear napkins on their heads because this show is unclear on the topic of historical headgear.
We’re upcycling vintage napkins now, cool.
The priest performing the mass has glam-metal hair. Is this the 16th-century version of a hot priest?
The crowds of filthy Scots try to break into the mass, and John Knox shows up, complaining about the “monstrous regiment of women,” as he does. Bothwell protects Mary, taking her out of the chapel, and she gets all gooshy at him because he got hit in the head and is bleeding.
Time for a council meeting and another floating ruff, this with a pin-tucked dupioni dress (which Mary might have been wearing under the cloak she wore when she arrived in Scotland). Everyone argues about religion and how Mary’s weak blah blah blah.
Does that look anything like the few extant contemporary images of Mary Queen of Scots? I think not.

James heads off to report all this to Queen Elizabeth. She’s thrown a not-too-bad red and gold damask coat over her one red gown.
James comes up with a scheme to get Mary to condemn the pro-Catholic Scottish Huntly family, who were the only ones supporting the queen. He busts into the Mary’s sitting room where she and her ladies are enjoying their floating ruffs while Riccio plays some tunes.




Mary prays about what to do, and Bothwell busts in, offering to fix shit for her. She yells at him, and Riccio eyes him suspiciously. Everybody needs hair conditioner.

Huntly’s mom freaks the fuck out and begs Mary not to execute her son, grabbing at Mary, and being incredibly inappropriate.
Mary goes to the execution and talks to Huntly and then STANDS THERE right on the platform next to him as the ax comes down. Btw, this is the execution:
Because I needed you to see that vinyl vest and neoprene mask on the executioner. Which event the glam priest side-eyes.
Mary gives a little speech afterwards, which is, like everything so far, absolutely nuts. Even bloodthirsty royals like Henry VIII didn’t actually take part in the executions they ordered! The insanity of this ever happening is matched by the stupidity of the dress she wears to do so:
As we’ve asked before…

Furthermore, there’s cheap upholstery trim on dress, and it’s cross-laced (when it should be spiral-laced) in the back with grommets.
Bothwell tells her she must learn to enjoy executions and rule by fear!
Time for another council meeting, where the Scottish lords are pumped that Mary executed a Catholic. She’s back in the David’s Bridal dress. I can’t see the glint of grommets, but the cross-lacing and overall bad quality tells me they’re in there. Nobody bothered to make hand-sewn eyelets for this production.
Mary shuts the lords up by saying, “I would take a husband!” boom Next scene, Darnley’s in town, and the ladies are all a-flutter. Thus, a promo shot of showing several very bad, no-good dresses and their accompanying ruffs that float.
As if the ruffs weren’t bad enough, Mary is apparently One Of Those People who takes their dog everywhere.
Darnley’s costume is fine for a low-budget production, but the dudebro haircut lets everyone know he’s an asshole.


One of these things is not like the other.

Mary and Darnley flirt and dance — the music is period, at least. Riccio teases Bothwell about wanting Mary. They all sit around a dinner table as Darnley and Mary flirt more, so Bothwell gets drunk and jealous and yells at Mary.

Some random ladies at this table have semi-decent French hoods, though that’s not how a partlet + a ruff go together. It looks like she stuffed some napkins in her bodice.
Darnley beats a drunk, passed-out Bothwell, while some randos shag in the corner. Bothwell is woken up by the poodle with Riccio later because the queen wants to see him. Bothwell gets sent to jail for being a stupid git. Mary’s back in the backpack dress, and her hair is just gone to hell.
Darnley starts to propose to Mary, but she interrupts and says she wants to marry him. That’s about the only decisive thing she’s done! Of course, James is a shit to her about the marriage, all ‘what about me,’ boo hoo. Somehow it makes sense to Mary and Riccio to release Bothwell and use him for protection. Whatev.
Mary gives her ladies and Riccio wedding gifts (shouldn’t it be the other way around?), and now Bothwell interrupts to try and propose that she marry him. She says, “Are you drunk?” Moving on, she and Darnley marry. Her dress throughout these scenes is inoffensive, if clichéd, white beaded fabric with silver trim.
Darnley also gets a new suit for the wedding. For a couple of Catholics though, it’s weird that this movie shows their marriage as just the signing of some fancy documents, no priest and mass.
For the wedding night, Darnley gets drunk, crawls into bed, kind of hoovers Mary’s neck, and then bangs her. She cries, he laughs and rolls over, so unsexy.
James reports to Elizabeth, who recites her genealogy because she doesn’t want Mary to have a child that’ll inherit her throne. James talks about framing Darnley for the murder of Riccio.
More importantly, Elizabeth is wearing what has to be a rental 1890s costume with giant leg-o-mutton sleeves. The fabrics are OK, but the whole scene is shot in the dark with only a few tight closeups of Elizabeth, so they are definitely trying to hide an inaccurate costume!


So much more like this:

Than this!

Back in Scotland, Mary’s trying to get some work done, but her husband is out drunk and carousing. Mary tells Bothwell he was right about Darnley being an asshole, but she has bigger concerns because, since getting married, Mary has lost the few hairpins she ever owned. Maybe Darnley’s trading them for booze?

The Scottish lords find Darnley in the tavern and easily convince him to join in the gang killing Riccio. This happens in Mary’s sitting room, kinda sorta like historically, since it’s a mob of men grabbing him right in front of her. Brutal. Oh and Bothwell is busy fucking some chick at this time, so he can’t help (what happened to his boner for Mary, huh?).
James gives Mary the document showing that everyone signed, including Darnley, saying they planned to kill Riccio. Darnley realizes he’s fucked, so he begs Mary to let him come with her as she tries to leave. She hints that he has one purpose, but nobody’s come out and said she’s pregnant, which is weird from a historical angle (she was visibly pregnant at Riccio’s murder). Bothwell gets horses for them, and they leave Edinburgh.

She seems to get a hat at some point on the way as they hide out in the woods.
If I squint HARD — and maybe if I was drunk? — that doublet might vaguely possibly bear some relation to this ensemble:

Bothwell argues with Mary, he tries to kiss her, and she slaps him. So Bothwell raises an army for her. Mary and Bothwell fight again, and he says he wants her naked in his bed. Gross. Then he visits her tent at night to say goodbye, and she finally admits she’s pregnant (which would have to be via Darnley, given all the cute-fighting that’s only sublimated fucking between her and Bothwell).
Then Mary just waltzes back into town, it’s all cool I guess. She has a new council, having magically kicked out the traitors.
Out on a battlefield, somebody’s fighting, oh there’s Bothwell and there’s James, Scotland wins, that was easy.
Elizabeth asks who’s killed her soldiers, and Bothwell conveniently sent her a note saying Mary’s child is the rising sun / son (get it?).
She adds a partlet and cuffs to her outfit, but damn, that hair is so bad! Yes, Elizabeth wore her hair curled, that was fashionable. But not loose. It was tightly curled and close to the head.

Mary gives birth to wee James, and Darnley reluctantly acknowledges it’s his baby. Mary parades the baby in front of everyone, lording it over Elizabeth.

The baby’s wrapped in a curtain and gets a little crown. Mary and her lady in waiting call him James VI of Scotland and I of England already, as if.

Someone says Bothwell’s dying somewhere, so Mary rides out to see him. When she finds him, he’s just wounded, so they kiss and fuck energetically and loudly. Gross.

James is back with Elizabeth, reporting that Mary’s with Bothwell. Elizabeth is wearing that red and gold coat again, and there’s a better view of it. Cool fantasy vibe with a hint of 1560s.

She should be wearing an English fitted gown, a very popular style from the 1560s through the end of the 16th century. It could be simple or fancy, and it was cut straight in the front from neck to hem. The skirt might be opened some to show off an elaborate forepart, but that’s different than actually being cut towards the back (which I bet this show did to save fabric because they had a low budget).

Elizabeth was shown wearing a red fitted gown, and you can see that straight front.

Darnley’s back, and just to be a jerk, he breaks into Mary’s bedroom, beats up her lady in waiting, and wants to fuck Mary. But that lady in waiting comes back and cracks a bottle over Darnley’s head as he’s trying to rape Mary. FUCK YEAH.
Bothwell tries to tell Mary how to get out of her marriage, y’know, by killing Darnley. While they plot, Darnley recovers enough to take baby James and threatens him / Mary. So Mary tells Bothwell to go for it, let’s kill Darnley at Kirk o’ Field. They kiss on it.

Couldn’t get a full-length screencap of Mary’s robe because she’s running around in the rain, but it’s this general shape.

Btw, the idea that Darnley’s murder is Mary’s idea is such bullshit. This is some fiction right out of the Casket Letters (look it up). In this nonsense movie, Mary confesses to a priest while Bothwell puts gunpowder around Darnley’s house. The house blows up, but that doesn’t kill Darnley (which is accurate at least), so he and Bothwell fight, and Bothwell chokes him to death (Darnley was found outside the house, dead, possibly smothered, without any marks on him).
Kevin McKidd, who plays Bothwell, said in an interview:
“You know, we’re not making a documentary or writing a history book here. I think it’s too simple to say, ‘No, no, that’s wrong historically in my view, therefore this drama is invalidated’.”
Yeah, we’ve address that a billion times in our FAQs. We know this is entertainment, but we like the history, that’s our job.
Back to this tale, Bothwell reports back to Mary that he was seen killing Darnley, so she has to hang him or she’ll be blamed, OR she has to marry him because they won’t kill the queen’s husband. She chooses to marry him. Gross. Whatever
Randomly, Darnley’s servant was a fuckbudy of one of Mary’s ladies in waiting. Since that guy also got killed with Darnley, this lady is now pissed at Mary and tells her off. Why should we care about these randos and their floating ruffs?

Meanwhile, James is getting ready for battle — he stirs up a crowd by calling Mary worse than a whore.
Mary’s council is down to a few holdouts, and the camera lingers on a life-size portrait of Mary Queen of Scots that’s been hanging in the council room the whole time. It’s a red version of the iconic Hilliard painting made at the very end of her life.

That image is taken from this miniature made during Mary’s captivity in England:

Which was expanded to various full-length paintings during James’ reign circa the 1610s, though it was never done in red that I know.


Bothwell’s prepped for battle, though he has to pick fights with guys on his own side. Also, Huntly’s mom comes up to Mary’s camp just to curse her before the next battle.
But Mary preempts more fighting by taking baby James and giving herself up to her half-brother James, in the hope of, IDK, amnesty, peace, something. What happens is that James steals the baby and shoves Mary into a carriage and then drops her into a prison pit. None of that makes sense to me, but I guess it’s a shorthand for the final battles, her forced abdication, her capture and imprisonment at Lochleven, her escape and fleeing to England.

Stay tuned for more stupidity in part two tomorrow!
Find this frock flick at:
I remember watching this ages ago and being angry that after part one… we never see Mary again. Like her story just ends and then we’re stuck with James for another hour, who is awful.
It’s just two terrible stories jammed together on the weakest pretext!
This was painful! It’s hard to say what’s worse, the costumes/hair or the plot!
Alllllll of it :D
I mean, I know why a BBC production would paint her as helping plan Darnley’s murder. But it’s still frustrating because so many people do look to movies like this for at least the shape of history, and this really continues historical propaganda. Of course, looking back at my first sentence…
But I will never get the false history of these floating ruffs! They’re ugly! They ahistorical! There is no good BBC propaganda excuse for this!
Truly the worst ruffs ever filmed.
I can’t believe this was made by the Beeb. Did someone lose a bet?
Hah, I’ve wondered that too!
Hair combs go back millennia. According to this miniseries, this simple, vital, piece of grooming technology was lost in the 16th century. Or, maybe Elizabethans liked tangled hair?
I always assumed people put in a lot of effort to keep that from happening.
glam priest aka father what-a-waste
As well as all the cr@ptastic costumes, that is blatantly modern saddlery. Nothing remotely like that type of side-saddle existed before the 1830s. Okay, anything more appropriate probably would have cost a lot of extra money to hire, but they could at least have thrown saddle-cloths over the saddles (which sometimes was done at the time) to hide the inappropriateness. Or have the women ride astride, which was quite normal in the 16th century if you had to go fast or over rough ground, as the sidesaddles of the day were just not safe enough for that. As for the bridles, those are 100% modern snaffle-bitted bridles with the noseband taken off – presumably to make them look more ‘primitive’?