Today would have been Emily Brontë 200th birthday. The middle of the surviving Brontë sisters, she’s known for her one great novel Wuthering Heights, published in 1847, which has been made into several movie and TV versions. Alas, another one is headed to screen later in 2018 (at least in the U.K.), and the promotional pictures are fucking tragic. And not wandering-the-moors, hand-staple-forehead, gothic novel tragic. We’re talking, I can’t wait until Snark Week, you gotta see this now fucking TRAGIC. To wit…
But let’s go through the story somewhat chronologically, because that’s the kind of literary nerd I am. So we flashback to Cathy and Heathcliff as kids.
And we meet the fam.
After dad dies, Hindley is master of Wuthering Heights, and he gets himself a bride.
In every Wuthering Heights adaption, Cathy and Heathcliff are contractually obligated to wander the moors.
How about a love triangle, eh? Gives a chance for more shittastic costumes! (Oh, have I mentioned that IMDB.com doesn’t list a costume designer credit for this movie? Yeah, nobody wants to take credit, and I don’t blame them.)
I think I need a lay-down after the horrors of those last costumes. UGH. How about some of the minor characters then?
Alright, let’s move this story along, time for the second generation…
Finally, I don’t know what character this one is, but the photo was on the movie’s Facebook page…
Can you hear Emily Brontë rolling over in her grave too?