41 thoughts on “SNARK WEEK: Man-Ick Monday – Tom Cruise

  1. When I saw Legend, I just wanted to know why Tom didn’t have on any pants. Did the wardrobe department dislike him that much?

  2. Def. work on his teeth. They were very crooked in Legend, then he had them all moved/replaced with veneers. The result was that in a bunch of photos afterward his two front teeth don’t meet in the middle of his face but off to the side. Once you see it, you can’t not see it, but here it is:
    It humanizes him a bit. I had braces galore and know the pain and humiliation of having huge front teeth. Still- that offset is super weird.

  3. I still haven’t figured out his best. Any time someone mentions the “S word,” all I can think of is Isaac Asimov’s quote: “I knew L Ron Hubbard when he was a SMALL-time crook.”

    1. He leaves me feeling meh. Or cold. And I love WWII films, and von Stauffenberg not only had an eye patch, missing fingers but was a staunch Catholic. When I found out Cruise was playing him., I decided to pass on the film

  4. Guy in the yellow is, I believe, Jackie Earle Haley. He has had many remarkable supporting roles, from “Breaking Away” to “Lincoln.”

  5. Thank you. I hate everything about his movies. Trying not to make this about him personally, but … let’s just say that I actively avoid any movies he’s in. Though my DH says the one where he dies over & over is satisfying.

  6. Actually, the Tom Cruise factor in interview with a vampire is heavily outweighed by the Antonio Banderas factor. Rrrrow!

  7. Colonel von Stauffenberg did in fact have an eyepatch and was also missing fingers (so eyepatch and gloves!) He was very seriously injured in the war.

    And I am actually good with Cruise in Interview, because his lines at the end (“Louis, Louis, Louis….still WHINING! I’ve had to listen to this….”) pretty much summed up my feelings about dull-surprise Brad Pitt through the whole movie.

  8. Thanks – I love “Far and Away” but your blog is incorrect that it is based on Tom Cruise’s ancestors. It’s mostly a fictional story, however, the Oklahoma Land Rush was true and based on director Ron Howard’s own family who participated in it in 1889.

  9. When he was announced as Lestat in Interview with a Vampire, all of us who were fans of the book howled in disgust! But then, watching the movie, you remember, yeah, Lestat is a real asshole & Cruise can play that pretty well. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  10. None of these films are ones I would watch no matter who starred in them. I am not into fantasy, or war-related or vampires etc,,,but he does look “off” in nearly every case.

  11. Legend is one of my favorite movies. Grew up watching it and both of Lily’s dresses are amazing. It is a delightful fairy tale. And like all Tom Cruise movies, everyone else is superb. And it has Tim Curry.

  12. Thanks for this post! I never cared for Tom Cruise, even before the whole Scientology thing. Can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us the rest of the week.

  13. I recommend that you watch “Born on the Fourth of July.” It’s the best acting job Cruise ever did. OTOH, “Valkyrie” was painful to watch for many reasons, including cruise.

  14. My dislike is visceral, along with justified for the reasons you state plus:
    Ticks all the boxes for ‘handsome’ yet you feel…nothing,
    Gopher in a man-suit,
    He’s the popular jock who got the lead in the high school play and ruined it for everyone,
    Acting style that’s a mashup of Shatner and Keanu and,
    No matter the role, he’s never NOT Tom Cruise.
    Thanks you for reading my rant.

  15. “Legend” became the yardstick for bad movies between my friend and me. If we didn’t care for a movie, one of us would inevitably say, “Yeah, but it wasn’t as bad as ‘Legend.'”

  16. Tom looks like my ex-husband and for some reason I never found Tom to be good looking. (Probably was a sign I missed!) lol

    Tom’s early movies are meh. I cannot stand most of his recent movies and typically avoid him like the plague.

    Born of the 4th of July was a decent movie. Tom actually acts in it. Not kidding either. Although I probably wouldn’t watch it again, I remember being very much shocked he pulled this off.

    I used to live in Japan and will definitely watch The Last Samurai when I miss Japan (I have a few other movies that fall into this category). While the movie focuses in on Tom’s character, it still brings Japan, Japanese people, and Japanese culture into the story. And in a good way. The supporting cast is phenomenal and really highlights Japan’s struggles with itself vs Western cultures and how to modernise (if at all). Full disclosure I have a huge crush on Ken Watanabe.

    If anyone wants to see a good Japanese movie, check out Sweet Bean. Not a frock flick but an adorable movie.

  17. I don’t like him much either and do feel he’s a nut job for the Scientology thing. I was floored when I heard he was cast as Lestat but thought he actually pulled it off. He was terrible and unbelievable as Von Stauffenberg.

  18. Ok, I LOVED (and still LOVE) Tom Cruise as Lestat–even though appearance-wise and age wise he is nothing like Lestat is described in the novel (same for Antonio Banderas’s character). But both Cruise and Banderas pulled off their roles phenomenally for the movie version. In fact, Interview with the Vampire is at the top of my list of franchises I’m disappointed that didn’t continue (and no, the Stuart Townsend version of The Queen of the Damned does NOT count). I mean I wanted the franchise to continue with Cruise and Pitt and Neil Jordan at the helm. My least favorite of these films was Far and Away. Overall, I think Tom Cruise is a very good actor and I also think he is very good-looking. As a fan, I prefer to see him in ensemble pieces rather than in a “Tom Cruise movie.” (Ditto for Will Smith.) I’ve never been able to bring myself to watch The Last Samurai even though I am totally in love with Ken Wantanabe. It reeked of being a focused-on-the-white-guy, Tom Cruise movie and I’m just not into that. P.S. Now I have to re-watch Legend just for the tunic!

  19. I feel like the Mannions of America is a much better version of haughty Anglo-Irish woman falls in love with lower-class Irishman. And I liked the beginning of Valkyrie when Tom Cruise is speaking in German, and then the whole thing became a hodge-podge of different accents. Interview with a Vampire is actually one of the few historical films that I’ve liked him in. The Last Samurai is a total white savior movie.

    1. I think of The Last Samurai as Dances With Wolves in Japan. I did enjoy Valkyrie. The accents didn’t bother so much, more as giggle fuel.

  20. Has to be Interview with the Vampire. I’ve read some Anne Rice. It was fine? I was truthfully too young to see the film – old enough to stay home along, too young to understand the ramifications of Claudia’s situation. Even then I couldn’t take his wig seriously.

  21. “The Last Samurai” has a lot of things wrong with it, Cruise included. That having been said, the costuming and production values are quite good. When Cruise’s character first arrives in Japan, very few Japanese are wearing Western clothing. When he comes back down into Yokohama (?) with the samurai, there are telegraph lines strewn everywhere and you see Japanese in everything from full Western clothing to a single novelty item – someone in kimono, hakama and a bowler hat, for example. That sort of thing is very true to the period, so, I have to give the film props for that if nothing else.

  22. IMO Legend should have been about Lily and the Unicorn getting the better of Darkness. Who needs Tom Cruise.

  23. It’s a tough call. The Outsiders did nothing for me, and I have no idea if I would have understood a thing if I hadn’t already read the book. The Last Samurai made sense, but I don’t care for mighty whitey narratives.

  24. I’m sorry, did I mention Scientology? My argument, if it’s that confusing to understand, is that Tom Cruise doesn’t suit historical movies. Based on his acting and general persona. That’s all. Clearly you’re not enjoying Frock Flicks, maybe time to take a break?

    1. Okay wait, I did mention Scientology. My apologies for misremembering. Well, Scientology is a cult, and that does freak me out, so…

  25. I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of these all the way through… and I’m not regretting it, lol.

  26. I grew up where they filmed The Last Samurai so enjoyed watching it to recognize where scenes were shot and what was CGI’d in and out.

  27. Interview with the Vampire is so, so good, though. Campy good, but fun. And that’s the only time I’ve found Tom Cruise remotely attractive (Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas outdo him tho; those men look good in long hair).

  28. Wasn’t it Christian Bale who said Cruise was aggressively friendly but there was nothing behind the eyes? Sums him up pretty well, I think

  29. I’m glad to see him included in Snark Week, haha! I liked Far and Away when I was a teen but I only ever saw it with local-language dubbing, which spared me Cruise’s accent. I was shocked when I finally heard what he sounded like, LOLZ. The Last Samurai is greatly disadvantaged by focusing on his character.
    But, like many others here, I love Interview with the Vampire and his Lestat toally worked for me. It might be my favourite role of his, I don’t care for his action hero movies.

  30. I’m not a fan of Tom Cruise. But I can really find no fault with him in anything he has done. As wacky as he is and can be, he just seems to make it work.

    I like his comedy work. Rock of Ages. He could pull off the rock star and I wished he continued as Lestat.

    1. Kerry…I agree with you. Cruise was EXCELLENT as Stacee Jaxx in Rock of Ages. As someone who enjoyed the musical on stage, I was very reticient to accept him as Jaxx when the movie casting was announced. He was GREAT in an ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE movie.

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