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We watch a ton of historical costume movies and TV here in FrockLandia, but we usually steer clear of reviewing documentaries. Because, with a few exceptions like those with our beloved Lucy Worsley, documentaries that feature reenactments of historical periods can have really atrociously terrible costumes. No matter how accurate the history is, those shitty costumes are super distracting when you’re like us.
But it’s Snark Week, so this is the time to indulge in the genre! Many history documentaries will get around a lack of decent costuming by using long shots, shadows, and soft focus to obscure that the actors are just wearing the cheapest rentals or Halloween-quality medieval gowns or 18th-century pirate coats. But the documentaries shown here dared to put actors in broad daylight or under full lights. Or I was so offended I screencapped it anyway and lightened up the image because, dayum, that’s some snark-worthy crap out there.
We Know It’s Low Budget, But Really
Not every documentary has the backing of PBS or the BBC. Plenty of them skate by on a few bucks and whichever three professors were free to talk that day.
WTF Period Is This Even?
The talking heads in the show may be discussing events in a particular year, but the guy rustling up clothes for the actors doesn’t know that.
Not a Hairpin to Be Found
The Great Bobby Pin Shortage is felt keenly on these low-budget productions.
If the hair isn’t hanging free, then they’re wearing the cheapest, plasticky, inaccurately colored, inaccurately shaped wigs possible.
Competition for the World’s Worst French Hood
So many to choose from! Which sucks the most from these amazingly bad contenders?
A Potpourri of Bullshit
Something for everyone!