20 thoughts on “SNARK WEEK: Top 5 Weaksauce Sex Scenes

  1. Must admit I was cruelly let down by Crimson Peak… Got all chuffed by internet previews, got comfy with popcorn… And God I blinked and almost missed half of it!
    C’mon, it’s Hiddles, that was cruel and unusual punishment for sure.

    Well, at least I had the wonderful sets and costumes to make up for it! (BTW, did you notice evil sister hat at the picnic? It’s a face!)

    1. Watching Crimson Peak I personally thought that Tom Hiddleston and Mia Wasikowska lacked so much chemistry they almost had anti-chemistry. They both looked so uncomfortable during the sex scene I was glad it didn’t last longer.

      1. Same here! The movie would have been a million times better if there was actual chemistry between them….

      1. Wedding night scene was awesome. This show has shagging galore in season 1 and season 2 is almost teetotaler dry. Only wanted more and not of the kind: Claire lays back and ‘thinks of England’ while Louis XV performs the shortest sex act in French shagging history.
        I know that the author treated the scene in the book as a brief and not exciting bit, but come on Louis ogled her at the ball and seems to favour her throughout, would he just f*** her w/o foreplay? The man is scorching, but not as scorching as Jamie (Sam).

        not so Brave heart, Mel is meh and please snarkTom Cruise tomorrow along with Braveheart.

  2. Original Sin. They bought the two hottest actors in the world at the time Antonio Bandaras and Angelina Jolie. The bought the location, the costumes and the sets, but they forgot to buy a coherent script or plot. Their shagging should have made up for the plot holes but nope, it was so boring I ending up washing dishes by hand.

  3. I just wanted to say that, after a couple trips to Cornwall, where my daughter and her family live, that Poldark’s depiction of sex is pretty accurate. 30 seconds of groping, then you go look at the countryside.

    1. That is a wonderful post. (Mind you, there are a couple of questions I’d like to ask, but I’m too polite to do so.) This might also describe my trips to Hampshire to visit my own daughter; the real men are apparently all somewhere up north.

  4. Oh man, Farinelli. What bugs me, is that if someone made a contemporary film, about a young woman who had undergone female genital mutilation, we wouldn’t spend most of the film focusing on her trying to shag-by-proxy. Or at least I hope not, I hope that we would instead get a sensitive exploration of the psychological impact that a sexual violation, happening in childhood, would have on a person.

    What the film omits (among many other well, facts) is that FARINELLI was a composer too, not just his older brother Ricardo, and Handel. I would have liked the film to explore Farinelli’s frustrations, not just romantically/sexually, but also musically, as a composer, being taken seriously as a man, and as a gentleman, being descended from a wealthier family than most castrati, and later elevated by a knighthood in Spain. There is no mention of his longtime friendship with the poet Metastasio, of Prince Ferdinand and Princess Maria Barbara (later king and queen) of Spain, the ballerina who fleetingly captured his heart, or his sister Dorotea, whose son he would live with in his later years, becoming as fond of his grand-niece as if she were his own child.

    Unfortunately the film ditched exploring any of this in favor of a confrontation with Handel that never happened, and a love interest who never existed.

    No strong opinions about the other scenes listed here, except that Dowton Abbey was perhaps intentionally “ambiguous”…and has proved a source of irritation ever since.

      1. Currently I am trying to make my way through “Farinelli: Le castrat des Lumières” by Patrick Barbier, a good biography, but available only in French. For a basic introduction to the castrati, you can try “The World of the Castrati” (Histoire des Castrats) by the same author.

        The most recent, thorough academic overview is “The Castrato” by Martha Feldman, available only in English. This book however, assumes a knowledge of music history and the castrati. Another introductory book is “The Castrati in Opera” by Angus Heriot, but it is now considered a little dated!

  5. My main beef with sex in costume dramas is when it doesn’t happen at all. Like every adaptation of Jane Eyre, ever. I mean, the book doesn’t end until she has her first child, could we maybe have an actual sex scene after “Reader, I married him” as a payoff for 2 hours (4 in the case of the Clarke/Dalton miniseries) of pent-up chemistry? And “Effie Grey”! FFS, the entire movie is about Ruskin NOT shagging her, is it too much to ask that we see Millais give her a good going-over before the credits roll??

    Just because the source material was prudish doesn’t mean the adaptations have to be, people!

  6. Someone expected ACTUAL SEX on “Downton Abbey”? Come on, this is Masterpiece Theatre: courteous-liberal-minded-Episcopalian turf. They think about sex, but they don’t do it. Theo James galloping across the English countryside is sex enough.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: