46 thoughts on “The Spanish Princess Recap: Episode 5

  1. Ghod, this keeps getting worse by each episode. I do not know where to start. From CoA and wearing what looks like farthingales as fore-parted underskirts to the history. Henry VII as a Catholic would be barred from marrying his dead son’s widow. Argh. Brandon had a tad more sense than marrying a woman who’s virtue is none and has zero money.

    Can I have loads of Chateau Mouton and Chateau Lafite Rothschild along with the Belle Epoque bottle of Perrier Joust delivered to your hotel room?

    Why does Philippa Fucking Gregory inflict travesties upon us?

    1. OMG, I kno rite? Each screen cap I’m like “Ugh, ugh, UGH, UGGHHHHH, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” And the PAINTING. WHAT IN ACTUAL FROCK?!

    2. Henry VII did in fact toy with the idea of marrying Catherine, albeit briefly. The non consummation that made it OK to marry HVIII would have made it OK to marry HVII.

      1. Not without a Papal Dispensation.

        Pope Alexander VI issued one and if my memory is correct worded it that consumption might have or might not have happened.

        1. Basically early modern royalty had little difficulty getting any impediment dispensed. It didn’t really matter whether the marriage had been consummated or not, but the pope had to know which to phrase his paper right.
          Marriage to Henry the father could have been as easily legalized by the pope as to the son. The real issue was Catherine was no longer a good match and both Henrys might do better elsewhere.

      2. You’re absolutely right. He wanted to stop Henry from marrying Catherine.

    3. Not to mention the Countess of Salisbury collecting eggs and her husband, SIR Richard Pole, trusted cousin and right arm of the king doing manual labor in his shirt!!!
      Don’t these people understand how important this couple was? How wealthy they were? How trusted? Obviously not.

      1. Margaret Salisbury had a claim to the throne. Her father George Duke of Clarence – of malmsey wine game – was Edward IV younger brother. Her mother was Isabella daughter of Warwick the Kingmaker. She cleverly made no claim to the throne and lived a circumspect life. She was a proponent, friend and confident of CofA and her eldest son, Cardinal de la Pole brought Catholicism back under his cousin, Queen Mary I.

    1. I know! WHY.


    2. I spewed my coffee bc I was drinking it at the time.

      Any news from Kendra and La Belle France?

    3. That might be the worst faux-period-portrait I have ever, ever seen. (And FPPs tend to be bad.)

      1. It’s not even good as a modern-day portrait. And its clearly not painted by layering tinted washes over grisaille underpaint.

  2. I’m impressed these recaps don’t just repeat “I have questions” and “What the frock?!” after every still. But poor “Maggie” gets the worst imo. I mean, hey, let’s approximate a manner of dress that’s been out of style for a couple hundred years and then put this 1980s jumper over it? Literally the only thing I like in these photos so far is the face of the Duke of Stafford, and of course the character’s a cad so…

  3. Whoaaaaaaaa. That green drop-waist curtain gown takes the cake for me. Glad she’s collecting eggs in a 1986 Homecoming dress.

  4. Your Project to look the whole series reminds me of my attempts to see many German movies or series of the same “Quality”.
    I don’t know if it really is necessary or just time of your life lost for nothing.

  5. So is whats-her-name basically playing Lady Edith in ugly upholstery brocades?

    1. Personally I am wondering what a Bronte sister is doing in the sixteenth century!

  6. You have questions about the sleeves. I have questions about the Hobby Lobby faux fur scarf (?)

    1. Yes she should.
      And Juana didn’t go off the rails until Philip’s death, though her balance was precarious before that.

  7. Wait, the super-religious Margaret Beaufort suddenly approves of her grandson sleeping with prostitutes?! The hell?! I get that religious people can be hypocritical, but because it’s her, it feels like either further demonization, or shitty, inconsistent writing. And because the show was written by the people it was written by, I don’t even know which one is it!

    1. It’s shitty writing. :P
      EF (Emma Frost) really showcases her ignorance of Catholicism in this series. She’s also terribly inconsistent in-between episodes and even 30 minutes later. (Margaret: Kat can’t marry Harry, it’s profane and ungodly! One episode later: her father in law can marry her tho, it’s fine. :D)

  8. The vision of Isabela telling Catherine that Henry will betray her and “break the world” for it, like OH GEE, I WONDER WHO/WHAT THEY COULD BE TALKING ABOUT.
    And can you believe this what-the-frockery has been given ANOTHER eight episodes?

  9. Rosa and Stafford have had so little characterization that when she told him she was pregnant I couldn’t tell if his reaction was, ‘Woe is me, if only cruel fate and society would let me be with the woman I love’ or ‘Time for mmmmurder…’

    The show has been renewed for a second season so look forward to more of Margaret Beaufort being the only one with any competence, Ferdinand if Aragon not existing, and the Lucy that is the universe snatching the football away from the Charlie Brown that is Maggie Pole.

    1. Honestly, the characterization of EVERYONE seems a little lacking. Catherine randomly decides to let Lina marry Oviedo because… reasons? Catherine is so desperate to become the queen of England, yet marrying King Henry is a no go because… prince Henry is hotter? And Isabella wants Catherine to marry King Henry instead of prince Henry because… why?

    2. In fairness to the real Duke of Buckingham providing for a mistress and their bastard would be no biggy. He could easily afford it and itvwoulsnit hurt his reputation at all, he would be doing the correct and gentlemanly thing.

        1. Quite. Rosa is playing by the rules too. She’s been discreet and clearly intends to go on being so. She’s not making any outrageous demands just the decent minumum. Buckingham should send her to one of his manors and maintain her and the child until he can make permanent arrangements, ei: a respectable marriage with some obliging gentleman of reasonable rank and means.
          Such things were done everyday, as far as his world was concerned Buckingham would have behaved properly and generously. Lady Buckingham would pretend to know nothing about it as her lord had neatly tidied up his own mess.

  10. What makes me the sickest, and always has with these stupid, stupid shows, is that some people will believe that this is History. I see the future: online arguments about Isabella of Castile, in armor, wielding sword and bow against her enemies. It’s so sad. She was an powerful woman and queen, but for modern audiences to think she’s cool, she’s got to be physically fighting herself. Ugh.

  11. I’m still here. I can’t believe this is this bad. But it is. Thank you for taking this stuff for us. They must have emptied the upholstery department of their store of choice. I’m surprised we haven’t seen more tassels.

  12. Am I the only one who noticed that the burgundy velvet gown Catherine is wearing when she gets the letter from her mother, is the totally the Majestic Velvets Gabriella set?! This is almost as bed as when the costume department for Robin Hood 2010 bought a gown from Armstreet Armoury, put it in the film and then marketed the same dress in cheaper materials for purchase.

    1. I mean when Reign did it, at least it had the balls to market their own shit and had it be all like fancy and designer.

  13. The inconsistencies in this show are killing me. Characters change their minds with no rhyme or reason, their motives are rarely consistent and often contradict themselves from earlier in the episode / series. That to me is even more painful than the historical inaccuracies or the ridiculous fabrics — good writing demands the audience understand changes made and changes of “heart.” You don’t just bring them up out of nowhere.

  14. I never understand why, if people want to make some vaguely old-timey costume drama, they don’t set it during the Norman invasion era. For starters, it’s a fascinating story, and any of the dozen or so Matildas and Margarets who were around at the time would make a great protagonist. Also, where we have TONS of paintings and descriptions of what Tudor-era royals were, there are a lot less primary sources on the Conquest, which means you could play around with it a little more without it being so obviously “wrong.” Instead they keep choosing the ONE era that even most lay people can recognize some clothing from and then just doing it all wrong. It’s baffling to me.

    1. I agree with you. The period is full of strong women and conflict but poor in name recognition which I suppose is the problem.

      1. Oh, yes! A beautifully filmed and costumed series, with good research and intelligent scripts.

        (Please, goddess, don’t let P.G. get interested in writing about J of G and Katherine Swynford. Anya Seton’s novel was gorgeous, and we don’t need Gregory screwing things up with fantasies about Geoff Chaucer.)

  15. I don’t know about Margaret but personally I’d be prepared to take such an adorable passel of bastards to my heart. James IV was quite the womanizer, which may have been to Margaret’s advantage as he seems to have been wise enough to gently woo his child wife and put off consummation till she was ready for it. Which suggests he was the kind of womanizer who cares about his partner’s feelings and wants to keep things pleasant and friendly between then.

    1. BTW James did have five known bastards as depicted though these children are way too old: the tall boy is presumably Alexander, future Archbishop of St. Andrew’s who will die with his father at Flodden, the oldest girl next to him must be Catherine Stewart, future countess of Morton, and the three remaining cuties are James, future Earl of Moray (not the famous one), little Janet Stewart and Margaret Stewart

      1. Well, those were just the surviving ones; presumably, there were others, that died in childhood.

        1. Or weren’t acknowledged. Either James cleaned up his act after Margaret came along or he got a lot more discrete.

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