When I did the WCW feature on Charlize Theron a while back, I got a wild hair to try to do a post about A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014). It had been quite a while since I’d watched it and I had very little memory of it, so why not? I’ll tell you why not. God, this movie sucks. It sucks SO hard that words almost fail me. I’m struggling at this point to muster even a modicum of fucks to type out this much so far because I’d really rather not. I’d rather scrub my toilet than write this post. But I committed, so … Here we go.
To give you the briefest synopsis of this film I can, it’s written and directed by Seth MacFarlane, who also stars in it. It follows Seth’s character, Albert, a general fuck-up of a young man who just got dumped by his way-out-of-his-league girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried) because he’s so aimless in life, and Albert’s two best friends, Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and Ruth (Sarah Silverman), who have their own loving, yet highly unconventional relationship (he’s a cobbler, she’s a prostitute; hilarity ensues). Their lives in a small Western town are upended when outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) and his gang arrive to wreak havoc. Anna Barnes-Leatherwood (Charlize Theron), Clinch’s wife, and herself part of his outlaw gang, immediately causes turmoil for Albert who starts to develop feelings for her. Throw in a lot of gross-out, not-really-funny humor against the backdrop of the “old west,” and that’s basically the extent of the plot.
The costumes, meanwhile, aren’t all together horrible. There are, in fact, some really decent ones. Costume designer Cindy Evans manages to pull together a cohesive look on vibes alone, so hats off to her. The film purports to take place in the 1880s, but there’s a distinct lack of bustles about (with one exception, which I’ll get to), but it’s also the old west. So. Ok. I mean, it’s not like this was an Oscar contender, but I will happily give credit where credit is due.
So, without further ado, here’s my take on the costumes in A Million Ways to Die in the Old West.
The Good: All the Whores!
Overall, the whores hands-down have the best outfits in this film. They’re actually wearing shirts/camisoles/shifts under their corsets! Their hair is usually at least mostly up! They’re frequently shown wearing the most accurate over-garments, even if it’s styled sluttily!
The Bad: Lots of meh to go around
Even the whores don’t get a full pass. Exhibit A:
The Ugly: That godforsaken blue ballgown
The only redeeming thing about this film is this scene:
Have you watched A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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My only quibble with this review is that it leaves out the glorious musical interlude of ‘If you only had a moustache’ and a picture of Mr Neil Patrick Harris putting the advice in that song to the test.
Also, if Mr Seth MacFarlane wanted to make this film really work, he should have found an actor with more of what Mr Giovanni Ribisi has in spades, taken the role of Moustache Jerk (Which he was clearly born to play) and beefed it up accordingly.
‘Underdog pioneer ground down by the hardships of the Old Frontier’ is a rope quite hard to take seriously when played by a man with Rat Pack charm.