
I’ve continued my Anne Boleyn-focused “let’s watch things we haven’t fully reviewed for Frock Flicks” kick and so foolishly rewatched 2003’s Henry VIII, a two-part movie made by ITV starring Ray Winstone as Henry. And people, it was BAD. VERY BAD. Both in terms of plot, costume, pacing, you name it. So, let’s dust this one off and relive the horror.
Although the film’s title implies it will focus on Henry, it’s really an episodic romp through Henry’s wives plus a few extra Henry-focused scenes. Most of the entire first half is spent on Anne Boleyn, so the other wives get definite short shrift and I very much lost focus and just started fast-forwarding. I’m not going to recap the entire thing, but talk about the deeply shitty costumes and a few choice moments from a storytelling angle.
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I’m not going to lie, it’s slightly startling to equate the Six Wives of Henry VIII with the ‘canonical five’ victims of Jack the Ripper (As women who might well have been lost to history had they not been connected to a most unpleasant man) and then see an article on Henry VIII crop up so shortly thereafter.
I can’t decide if it’s merely serendipitous or downright eerie!
Also, I’ve said it before and will say it again: Mr Winstone really, really deserved to play Thomas Cromwell or Thomas Wolsey in a production that gave them a really juicy role: he’d have been far better suited to play either role than that of King Henry VIII.
He’s an excellent and charismatic actor, but ‘To the manor born’ isn’t really in his wheelhouse.
I’ll give him this, while Mr Winstone sounds and acts too much like a man who worked his way to be “Brother died, Dad died, Party Time!” Henry VIII, he definitely looks the part – especially as the older ‘Great Harry’.
Further thoughts:-
It’s amusingly difficult to tell the difference ‘Vampire’ and ‘Angry Catholic’ in terms of aesthetic: both can be so very, very Gothic.
Helena Bonham Carter characters really do have the most oddly specific bad luck at the Tudor court: one minute they’re the next queen, next minute their heads are on the block…
Of course Emilia Fox gets the best dresses, the House of Fox are almost as ubiquitous as the House of Seymour and equally-canny.
Anna of Cleves, at least in the photograph provided, looks a bit sleepless but hardly a gargoyle.
Don’t worry about losing all track of time, this happens to the best of us when the lovely Emily Blunt is involved.
‘Lady Minnie’ has clearly decided that looking ridiculous is preferable to seeing much, much more of Henry Tudor and is willing to pay that price.
Hard to blame Catherine Parr for being desperate to look as un-nubile as possible at the court of the ‘English Nero’ (Even if the plan didn’t actually work).
Am I correct in recalling that Mr Sean Bean played Robert Aske in this production? (It’s amusing to reflect in the duality of man evoked when an actor goes from the Pilgrimage of Grace to playing Thomas Cromwell – and also amusing to note that ‘Richard Sharpe’ has once again wound up fighting on the side of Ms. Assumpta Serena).